High school is finally in the books, and we are all one step closer to our potential and permanent occupation, the one where we have to be dedicated to for the rest of our lives. For this Summer, I really do hope ( God be willing) to make some adjustments to my style of living. The past few Summer vacations have been quite boring, as every day was the same. There needs to be some variety, some zest this summer. I have to be a bit more willing and explorative, and must try the things I never got to try. Putting all those thoughts aside, there are some necessities: Obtaining a G2, passing my level 10 piano test with honours, and playing basketball/workin out. I also have to stay healthy, and plan on training immensely, so that I can be stronger, sharper and faster than I was a few years back. I read every day, and think of many things to write about ( i just can't seem to contain my own thoughts. Sharing is supposed to be caring so I'm going to go ahead and do that). I also plan to take up soccer and possibly some volleyball because I am quite weak at those 2 sports. Spiritually, I feel fine. I am blissful, and am still a practicing Christian although i do tend to get out of line. Family time has become crucial for me: i want to spend more time with my parents and my cousin ( who's visiting me in August) because I want to establish a strong relationship and bonding with them.
Preparation seems to be the key thing here. I can't let myself float away from reality, because every breathing and passing second of my life and summer is ticking, and I have to be potentially ready for my university semester. A specialist-major is no joke, and I have to be serious every single day when September hits. I do really relish the moments I have in almost everything, and hope for my next 4 years to be good.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
My only enemy......
Sometimes I wonder if I myself, have been hateful, despicable and obnoxious around my own friends and family. I at times do realize how harmful my actions are and try my best to reconcile with the person i had offended, but at other times, i do not and therefore leave a very austere and hostile impression of myself on my friends. I used to greet others with pure silence and ignorance, but I am much more open hearted and hospitable towards others. I always treat other people with genuine respect, and I never attempt to offend them in any sort of manner. In an argument or dispute, I am usually willing to hear out their cases first and try to understand their points of view before getting to my point of view. A few years back, I did have quite some trouble lingering on my mind. People would harass me, taunt me and mock me. Some people did it to harm me in an intentional manner while others did it as a joke ( and i understood it to be a joke). Then, there were some peope who were absolute bastards. They would piss me off physically and psychologically, tell me that they are joking, then do it over and over again. I then tell them " a joke is usually fresh only a few times after it's said... and it's not supposed to be serious." They respond by tellin me to chill when they're the ones who should have watched their mouths and attitudes. At times, I'm not understanding either. I tend to blame my friends, family and peope around me for the mistakes I, myself had made, and always looked for someone to criticize.
The feeling of guilt and anger sometimes came from myself and I failed to realize it at times. Although I don't have those feelings anymore, there will always be people and situations which remind me of the hard and difficult times I had to go through. I was always physically judged by others, and judged them back. People always ridiculed me based on how i looked and i did the same to others. I was physically intimidated all the time and was given the " silent treatment" back then, and i myself have to admit that i did the same to others as well. But there was just one person who hassled me for no reason at all. This dude was so highly strung and so tense, it just didn't make sense to me. I did not provoke this guy in any way, and I tried my best to either ignore this dude, or ask him what his problem was. He constantly threatened me, and tried to get the best of me everytime he came around. I was afraid to ask him what his problem was, because I would've pissed him off to the point where he would've tried to kill me ( and believe me, he's done this before). I guess some people like him may never change, and we really can't do anything about it unless they themselves make the effort to change. God isn't my enemy, my friends aren't my enemy, and neither are my parents or former classmates. I am my own enemy: I have the will power to either make things better or worse.....
The feeling of guilt and anger sometimes came from myself and I failed to realize it at times. Although I don't have those feelings anymore, there will always be people and situations which remind me of the hard and difficult times I had to go through. I was always physically judged by others, and judged them back. People always ridiculed me based on how i looked and i did the same to others. I was physically intimidated all the time and was given the " silent treatment" back then, and i myself have to admit that i did the same to others as well. But there was just one person who hassled me for no reason at all. This dude was so highly strung and so tense, it just didn't make sense to me. I did not provoke this guy in any way, and I tried my best to either ignore this dude, or ask him what his problem was. He constantly threatened me, and tried to get the best of me everytime he came around. I was afraid to ask him what his problem was, because I would've pissed him off to the point where he would've tried to kill me ( and believe me, he's done this before). I guess some people like him may never change, and we really can't do anything about it unless they themselves make the effort to change. God isn't my enemy, my friends aren't my enemy, and neither are my parents or former classmates. I am my own enemy: I have the will power to either make things better or worse.....
Reliving the past
The past was much more pleasant than the present. Music was much more original and more meaningful, people valued reading and education much more than they do today, ideas were fresher, legends existed such as wayne gretzky, michael jordan, dan marino, jerry rice, barry bonds and muhammed ali, and the athletes who have lived in the past and are in the present found much more success ( allen iverson, for example). It was also a bad time as well. many people were not rich, had no jobs and were deeply discriminated against. But even though many negative things did occur, i still wish certain things from the past could be brought back today, and wish to see and experience things reminiscent of the past
Looking back at the past and towards the future.....
Up until now, the only thing I can say to myself is, " damn, time goes by like nothing!" I can still remember the many significant and insignificant events, mishaps and memories of my life, and am both proud and ashamed of what I have done so far. 15 years ago i moved to Canada, and my intentions and goals in life were quite unclear at the moment. I was still trying to adjust to the Canadian way of life, and my parents still lived as though they were back in their homeland of China, with strict house rules, curfews and punishments. I was a very troublesome kid who wasn't so outgoing, and had problems with the people I met on a daily basis. I was very quite, shy and had quite quirky behaviour. I was, in fact a loner, simply due to the fact that things were very new, and because many classmates and people in general misjudged and mistreated me right from the getgo. I had no prior knowledge on anything. So, all you guys who see me as a health freak, an active person with a very eccentric personality have to know that I was one of the most unhealthiest, laziest and dumbest/dull kids out there. I remember being in grade 1, and all the kids and teachers would wonder why i behaved so weird. Heck, i wondered why as well. I was so damn ignorant, and so damn shy. I was so afraid of people for some peculiar reason ( you might as well classify this as xenophobia). My first friend was this kid named Keno. He was a poor kid who lived on welfare, and i remember him asking me about my family. Now, when I came to Canada, i had already obtained quite some experience with the English language. I had literally taught myself how to speak and read in English, as my parents were not fluent enough to teach me. By the time i hit grade 3, I virtually spent 3 hours a day reading. I still remember my first book, Oliver Twist. Man, could i relate with that character. He was a lonesome boy who lived in an orphanage, and later had to escape his life of misery to seek a better fortune. I also had to read A series of unfortunate events in grade 3, as my teacher was quite senile and pernicious. Grade 3 was bittersweet... it was a time where i had met many cool new friends, and a time of sorrow. My grandfather passed away during that grade, and I had suffered from pneumonia 4 times. I was very susceptible to illness back then cause i wasn't healthy at all, and didn't take up sports until at least grade 4.
Grade 4..... yeah, i remember the times i had during that year. I decided to move to Markham ( I lived in the Flemington area before, near the OSC. I almost got my ass robbed during that time) because my father had found a new IBM to work at. I remember surveying the area, and i thought to myself, " this could be a nice place to live in." Now, when september came, I had an extremely hard time fitiing in. I'm not going to explain everything, but let's just say that I was harassed, beaten and ridiculed almost everyday by many imbeciles on a daily basis, right from the getgo. I virtually lived in solitude. I had very few friends, and though i excelled in the academics, people misjudged me even worse than before. Some of you guys know Khalid, aaron, justin cheung and elijah malcolm. Those people, i have known since grade 4 and have been classmates and schoolmates with them ever since. Grades 4, 5 and 6 were interesting years, because those were the years where i took sports quite seriously. my first sport was hockey. I loved to ice skate when i was very young, and still do ice skate today. I was obsessed with hockey, which led me to become friends quite easily with other hockey obsessed friends. I was exposed to basketball in grade 6, but never took it seriously until recently. I was more into piano than anything, really. I loved to play the piano, but hated to practice it ( until like 2 years ago. i started to practice immensely). I won major awards from 2000-2007 every year, but it was because i had a very strict piano teacher who forced me to practice everyday. Fastforward to grade 7.... this was the grade where i started to have some major issues. It was cool at first, i met some new people, and worked quite well in class, but it got ugly right after.
Grade 8 still haunts me even today. I remember it so well, that i could probably list all the people who either pissed me off, cheated me, manipulated me or just plain hated me but i won't. Prank calls, beatings, name callings, extortions, you name it, i've been exposed to it. People referred to me as a "class clown." No. better yet, a "jackass." I hated to go to school almost every day because i feared eveyone. They taunted me, mocked me, bullied me, and plain hated me in every way possible. I hardly had a moment of serenity during this year because i couldn't. Bullshit would escalate every single day, and i just hated to be in class. Physics, biology, chemistry, success, French. I could've excelled at those subjects and areas, but i couldn't because i constantly had to worry for my safety and well-being every day. The teachers even put me down, and discouraged me from obtaining any form of success at all. so in a way, i had a chance to be much smarter and stronger personality wise, but those kids and ppl fucked it up big time. Now fast forward to high school. I see high school as a new beginning for me. everything changed because i not only met new friends, but was exposed to so many newer things physically ( like working out, weight lifting, sports, martial arts, boxing, hell yeah), mentally ( loved to read during these years, lost it a few years back) and socially as well. In the beginning, it was bad. people were very cruel, and they did anything to maintain status and reputation. But, being a devil's advocate, i have to admit that i liked grades 9 and 10 despite those years being very harsh for me. things were much more interesting, and i think the school spirit was at its peak during those years. during grades 11 and 12, a downslide occured. People.... changed much. Asians were everywhere, teachers put in more strict rules and we had to follow them, and kids were being suspended and expelled for very dumb reasons.
Something did happen during grade 12. I had matured both physically and mentally as a person, more than i had ever before. I was participating much more in class, had a much more joyful spirit, and loved to socialize with others. Grade 12 was the year where i could literally go to school with few worries and just live the chance of being me and doing my own things. I studies much more extensively, strengthened my friendships, and became much more socially outgoing. I could focus so much better on everything i did, and i was much more respectful this year ( i was a bloody tyrant back then, and people hated my guts). Looking forwards, i think i will see much more improvement and success for me and the people i have met and established friendships with, and although i do not know what i will inevitaby become, i think the future will be bright. I thank God and Jesus for leading me to the right path, and thank my family, friends and people i have met for my success in life.
Grade 4..... yeah, i remember the times i had during that year. I decided to move to Markham ( I lived in the Flemington area before, near the OSC. I almost got my ass robbed during that time) because my father had found a new IBM to work at. I remember surveying the area, and i thought to myself, " this could be a nice place to live in." Now, when september came, I had an extremely hard time fitiing in. I'm not going to explain everything, but let's just say that I was harassed, beaten and ridiculed almost everyday by many imbeciles on a daily basis, right from the getgo. I virtually lived in solitude. I had very few friends, and though i excelled in the academics, people misjudged me even worse than before. Some of you guys know Khalid, aaron, justin cheung and elijah malcolm. Those people, i have known since grade 4 and have been classmates and schoolmates with them ever since. Grades 4, 5 and 6 were interesting years, because those were the years where i took sports quite seriously. my first sport was hockey. I loved to ice skate when i was very young, and still do ice skate today. I was obsessed with hockey, which led me to become friends quite easily with other hockey obsessed friends. I was exposed to basketball in grade 6, but never took it seriously until recently. I was more into piano than anything, really. I loved to play the piano, but hated to practice it ( until like 2 years ago. i started to practice immensely). I won major awards from 2000-2007 every year, but it was because i had a very strict piano teacher who forced me to practice everyday. Fastforward to grade 7.... this was the grade where i started to have some major issues. It was cool at first, i met some new people, and worked quite well in class, but it got ugly right after.
Grade 8 still haunts me even today. I remember it so well, that i could probably list all the people who either pissed me off, cheated me, manipulated me or just plain hated me but i won't. Prank calls, beatings, name callings, extortions, you name it, i've been exposed to it. People referred to me as a "class clown." No. better yet, a "jackass." I hated to go to school almost every day because i feared eveyone. They taunted me, mocked me, bullied me, and plain hated me in every way possible. I hardly had a moment of serenity during this year because i couldn't. Bullshit would escalate every single day, and i just hated to be in class. Physics, biology, chemistry, success, French. I could've excelled at those subjects and areas, but i couldn't because i constantly had to worry for my safety and well-being every day. The teachers even put me down, and discouraged me from obtaining any form of success at all. so in a way, i had a chance to be much smarter and stronger personality wise, but those kids and ppl fucked it up big time. Now fast forward to high school. I see high school as a new beginning for me. everything changed because i not only met new friends, but was exposed to so many newer things physically ( like working out, weight lifting, sports, martial arts, boxing, hell yeah), mentally ( loved to read during these years, lost it a few years back) and socially as well. In the beginning, it was bad. people were very cruel, and they did anything to maintain status and reputation. But, being a devil's advocate, i have to admit that i liked grades 9 and 10 despite those years being very harsh for me. things were much more interesting, and i think the school spirit was at its peak during those years. during grades 11 and 12, a downslide occured. People.... changed much. Asians were everywhere, teachers put in more strict rules and we had to follow them, and kids were being suspended and expelled for very dumb reasons.
Something did happen during grade 12. I had matured both physically and mentally as a person, more than i had ever before. I was participating much more in class, had a much more joyful spirit, and loved to socialize with others. Grade 12 was the year where i could literally go to school with few worries and just live the chance of being me and doing my own things. I studies much more extensively, strengthened my friendships, and became much more socially outgoing. I could focus so much better on everything i did, and i was much more respectful this year ( i was a bloody tyrant back then, and people hated my guts). Looking forwards, i think i will see much more improvement and success for me and the people i have met and established friendships with, and although i do not know what i will inevitaby become, i think the future will be bright. I thank God and Jesus for leading me to the right path, and thank my family, friends and people i have met for my success in life.
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